Wednesday, 10 December 2014

Presents wrapped, now for the food shop!!

Though I love this festive time of year with its whiff of magic and tinsel, there is a lot for us folk to do behind the scenes.

Whilst hubby dozed on the sofa last night I ploughed through a mountain of cards, hand writing repetitive Christmas greetings and hopefully hilarious tales about the little ones.

I think I have actually finished the bulk of present and card preparation but there is still the daunting task of....the christmas food shop!

Shopping for our weekly shop is manic enough. Girlie Girl wants every princess or Frozen item on the shelves and Toddler Boy grabs advertising signs as we sweep past, dragging them and many tins of beans off the shelves in our wake. 

The festive season will find me heaving an overweight trolley with the ubiquitous wobbly wheel causing it to veer at random angles whilst pacifying two screaming tiddlers. I will arrive home to discover that I have forgotten essential items such as milk and bread whilst the two little ones prize the lid off the Quality Street and eat most of the contents before I can stop them.

Tuesday, 9 December 2014

Christmas Dressing Up!

This week is full of nativity plays for us.

My little girl will be resplendent this afternoon in her angel outfit and my little boy went to nursery this morning growling in his teddy bear outfit.

I found a little doodle of me and my brother from years ago. We used to don tea towels to be sheperds and also got the pets involved!

Festive Doodle #5:

Friday, 5 December 2014

Bless all the dear teachers!

Teachers are doing a wonderful job keeping the festive spirit alive. Over the weekend the classroom was transformed into a veritable Christmas wonderland.

I have to admit to feeling a slight twinge of bewilderment as to how they maintain a neat christmas tree with all those little hands eager to explore baubles and tinsel when every festive object in my house has been mauled by my little ones!

Festive Doodle #4: Creative Christmas cards in the classroom...

Thursday, 4 December 2014

Children have descended into Christmas mania!

Dropping my little ones off at school and nursery was a descent into the realms of Christmas madness.

The classroom was bedecked with twinkling trees and paper chains in every nook and cranny. I'm afraid the lure of tinsel and sparkle is just too much for my little toddler boy. Dressed as Superman he tore through the room to get to the tree. Much to everyone's surprise he was very gentle, cradling baubles as though they were baby chicks.

I have to admit we were late to arrive this morning as the entire family spent too long watching 'Let it go' on youtube as our little girlie girl is beside herself with excitement in the knowledge that there will be a Queen Elsa dress waiting for her beneath the tree on Christmas morning.

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

One for pet lovers...

Christmas, a time of giving and putting aside one's differences.

Sometimes a festively wrapped chew bone can make up for a cat eating the kids' cereal then bringing up the semi chewed remains in the dog bed. Then there was the time the cat pulled all the knitting out of the basket and draped it strategically about the dog as he slept knowing nothing of the affair until woken with someone shouting, 'the dog's ruined granny's christmas scarf!'

Generally a whole year of disdain and trickery melts away when that little present is handed over.

Christmas can soften even the most stubborn feline heart...until next year of course!

Tuesday, 2 December 2014

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Our house is already awash with festive spirit. My little girl can hardly wait to don her Queen Elsa dress. My little boy is so excited that his calendar already looks like it's been mauled by a bear!

So here is the start of my festive doodle countdown to Christmas, feel free to insert a chorus of sleigh bells to mark this special occasion...

Festive Doodle #1: Little heads whirring with the wonder of what Father Christmas will bring - though he may have difficulty getting a tiger on his sleigh!

Friday, 31 October 2014

Thursday, 30 October 2014

Mrs Misfits and her Quest for a Halloween Costume

When Miss Perfect turned up at hometime sporting a large zip up bag containing her halloween costume, Mrs Misfit started to panic. The Halloween party was due to start in under 2 hours and until this point Mrs Misfit had no idea that grown ups were expected to dress up.

She turned to fellow parents and said, 'well, it's all a bit of fun...isn't it?'
Mr Gibson proceeded to announce in detail the lengths he had gone to with his costume which involved five cans of green body paint. 

'I've been sewing my outfit for six weeks now,' giggled Mrs Haberdashery, high on her own creative genius.

'What have you made for yourself?' asked Miss Perfect with her usual slightly smug smile.

Internally Mrs Misfit thought, 'shit, I have done nothing except make the kids their Halloween outfits.'
Externally she replied loftily, 'Oh, I've rustled a little something up,' and fled to the shops. As she charged along in the biting teeth of the wind she envisioned shelves laden with fabulous Halloween garb...
The wind whipped about making her eyes burn and her mascara stream as Mrs Misfit made her way to the shop that would prove her saviour and allow her to show Miss Perfect just how talented and organised she could be.

Unfortunately the shop did not live up to her expectations...
Back home Mrs Misfit raided her craft basket. She thought she could make a decent Spiderman with a red jumper and black wool.
Even the cat thought it looked rubbish.

In the end, windswept with swollen tired eyes and mad hair, Mrs Misfit decided to go to the party as she was and stuff all the other fancy dressed folk...
As luck would have it they thought she had tried really hard to dress up as a 'Zombie Mummy' and awarded her first prize.
The children proved to be very attached to their Halloween outfits at bedtime. Once they were happily snoozing Mrs Misfit went downstairs to enjoy her Halloween prize with Mr Misfit...

Thursday, 11 September 2014

The Joy of a Car

Walking past the many parked cars at the school gates I noticed that there is a group of mums and dads who deliberately arrive early to pick up their children.

I too have fallen into this habit.

The reason is this; the car has become a sanctuary where I can listen to music, strap down little ones or even have a snooze.

It is no longer something that takes me about to different places, it is an office, a creche or a hobby room.

It is a magical metal machine that can transform this...

into calm tranquility...

You can of course treat your car in the manner it was designed for such as trips to the shops or visiting sick relatives but do bear in mind that, if you are a keen knitter for example, a car can alleviate the difficulties of wool worrying pets...

 and transform them into well behaved felines...

I should mention of course that cars are parked when renovated into your comfort zone. 

Do not attempt to drive whilst sleeping or knitting - it's not the done thing apparently.

Not a good start!

My littlest has started nursery for a few hours a week signalling the first time that I will have time to myself for years!

Not a Good Start:

In my head I envisioned myself cleaning the house from top to bottom and producing masterpieces of artistic wonder.

In reality, the dog weed on the conservatory floor, I had an argument with a neighbour and finished the morning off by falling in spectacular style on my front drive. Unfortunately I was carrying a bin bag of rubbish which split as I face planted into it.

Perhaps today will be a bit more productive and a little less humiliating.

Tuesday, 29 July 2014

A daft way to carry your shopping home

This is Ben the Boa who features in my children's book, 'Odd Witch'.
Here he is demonstrating a unique way of carrying the shopping home by swallowing the contents of the trolley and slithering down the street with it in his belly...

Can you guess what shopping he has today?

Monday, 28 July 2014

Tea and Contemplation

A little fairy enjoying a quiet moment of contemplation whilst enjoying a cup of tea.

This is my own fairy illustration in a collage of pretty handmade paper (I'm in love with patterned paper!)

Friday, 25 July 2014

Where is the time, where is the energy?

When do us domestic goddesses find time or indeed energy to read? I've heard women say that they read a book when their child faffs with their potty or whilst stirring the gravy.

Perhaps I should strap a book to my waist so that I can whip it out at a moment's notice.

Reading is a vital ingredient for my well being and yet it has been shelved for more essential activities such as eating and sleeping, things that I cannot go without apparently.

Reading is just the tip of the iceberg. When do I find the time to satisfy my passion for illustrating and writing? In fact time is not the only hindrance, lack of energy is also key.

I feel like a daily tea pot pouring out lovingly made succour to the little (and grown up) beings in my house, endlessly tipping up to imbibe my loved ones with whatever they need. I am happy to do so.

Unfortunately, when the moment arrives to indulge myself the tea pot is empty (I am a tea fanatic hence the analogy!) and instead of creating masterpieces or reading them I sit before the T.V. in a sort of limbo land between waking and sleeping.

My creative world is constructed on bits of paper as line drawings and random strings of words that I hope one day I will decipher as the wondrous masterpieces that I once conceived them to be.

Of course I will be a successful writer and illustrator one day, in the same manner that one day biscuits will not be a staple of my diet, I will step outside with both hair and make up done and will cook and serve a family meal without, at some point, hiding in the bathroom crying into a flannel.

Here's hoping...

A child's lovely description...

Whilst driving along today my little girl said, 'There's a noise on my feet,' she was describing pins and needles.

Friday, 11 July 2014

Creative time with my little girl

I am bursting with joy after parents evening.

Though Toddler Boy tipped up a huge box of train sets and pooed himself during our appointment I am pleased as punch to discover that my little Girlie Girl has inherited my love of drawing.

Her teacher said she loved Girlie Girl's pictures and could tell that she came from a 'language rich family', though between you and me, some of the the language can be a little too rich at times!

It inspired this little illustration...

 Drawing Time with Mum

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Is my dog really my best friend?

I'm not sure I agree with the saying that a dog is your best friend.

Would a best friend not only tear your bin bags but deliberately strew the contents all over your lawn whilst eating at least 90% of the rotten bits?


A dog dosen't stop there in its pursuit of friendship. The same lovable rogue will then poo or puke the partly digested rubbish on the same lawn (I have actually watched in horror as my dog deposited an entire, barely chewed nappy!)

My lovely 'friend' will snuggle up with the pretence of having a lovely cuddle then either belch, fart or flick spit in my lap.

Would a best friend roll in shit then lie on your sofa?

Would a best friend poo on your lawn while you're actually mowing it or eat your favourite shoes?

Imagine having a dinner party and your best friend goes around sniffing bottoms and crotches?

I watched a dog plough into its owner, taking her legs clean out from under her. Did he help her to her feet, show any signs of remorse?


Instead he continued to chuck his ball at her face and bolt off to leave her to endure the indignity of being lifted from her dishevelled state, smeared in mud and covered in dog spit.

Would a best friend treat you like that?

I remember, when visiting relations, my grandad waxed lyrical about his dog Minty and her ever faithful loyalty. He went to great lengths stating that she never left his side, was good as gold and liked nothing better than to curl up on his lap.

As we drove away we wondered why our relatives waved quite so vigorously and seemed to be shouting.

It turned out my grandad's 'best friend' sat on the drive and watched him go. When he did the walk of shame to collect her she refused to get in his car.

Would a best friend do that?


But when I look into those big soulful eyes and stroke those soft, velvety ears, of course, even though he's a Doberman built like a brick privvy, he is my best friend.

Having said all that, it could be worse, you pet 'dog' could be like Humphrey in 'Odd Witch'...

Humphrey dines out on slugs and eye balls and retrieves people on park benches instead of sticks!

I have written and illustrated a whole children's book featuring Humphrey and other odd characters. It's available online at

Thursday, 19 June 2014

Why Does This Mocking Bird Kill Herself?

The Metamorphosis of Elissa Brown (currently available on Amazon

Melanie laughed gently at this last remark. As she threw her head back a little she glanced off Elissa’s shoulder. Elissa shivered, though it was certainly not cold. ‘Well, I better get back before the lunch break is over.’ She stood, retrieving her bag again. At the doorway she stopped, looked back and said, ‘You’re welcome to join us?’
Melanie did not reply. She did not look round but sat still as stone staring out over the low wall that gave way to the sheer cliff face. The wind picked up a little and just as Elissa thought to go, Melanie stood up and, in one swift movement stepped towards the wall, clambered onto it and stood tall and straight, arms outstretched.
Elissa’s heart leapt into her throat in an instance. Surely, Melanie did not intend to… Her internal thought stopped at the urgency, for Melanie was indeed leaning forward, bracing herself against the sudden stiff gale.
‘What are you doing?’ shrieked Elissa darting forward to pull the girl back. Her long fingers clutched at air. Melanie leapt from the wall, leapt forcefully so that she seemed to momentarily fly. She uttered something that was whisked away by the wind and was gone.
Elissa stared, rigid with shock, leaning over the battlement. The figure of Melanie Smythe, resembling a crumpled canary, was just discernable in the mud below. The bent pages of her book ‘To Kill a Mocking Bird’ fluttered like trembling angel wings on the flagstones by Elissa’s feet.

Why does this apparently contented teenager suddenly challenge the wind and plummet to her death? This signifies the start of a series of terrifying events for Elissa Brown...

Read more on Amazon

Thursday, 12 June 2014

To Spoon or not to Spoon

I'm guessing that the term to 'spoon' someone is derived from actual spoons. Being of the same shape a spoon will naturally fit snugly into another spoon rather like a person snuggling up to curl around their significant other like two spoons, a perfect fit.

If it is derived from cutlery then my husband and I are a knife and fork. 

For me there are a number of issues with spooning.

If you are the Spoon-er you will be faced with the problem of what to do with your arm. The free arm curls about your lover quite happily but, unless the other arm can be unscrewed and left on the side, it has nowhere to rest comfortably. It can go under your partner's neck but there will come a moment when it's necessary to try to extract this arm without waking your slumbering partner. You can squeeze this arm down your side and get pins and needles or you can put it in the really uncomfortable position above your head without jabbing your spouse with your elbow.

Should you be spooning someone with wind then there will be a moment when they fart in your lap and the stench ripples up between your pressed bodies to be released up your nostrils.

If you are the spoon-ee and like me have long hair you will find that your lovely curly tresses, much admired during the day become a choking hazard when spooning at night.

Generally humans do not fit together like spoons. It's also a safety hazard. Valuable seconds could be wasted disentangling ourselves if there were a fire or intruder in the middle of the night. 

It's like being clamped in a hot, sweaty human vice. 

Before marriage I spent most of my life being free to sleep as I choose and never felt the urge to wrap myself in a heavy, human sized teddy bear.

For me, the answer would definitely be not to spoon or as a compromise, set a time limit to finish spooning before pins and needles, sleep or leg cramps set in. 

Thursday, 5 June 2014

Incy Wincy can f**k off

A vivid imagination is not always a good thing...

Opened car door today to reveal a huge nest of baby spiders covering a vast majority of the interior. Shat my pants and swept them off with tissue and tried to release them into a nearby hedge. Job done...or was it?

For the rest of the day my mind repeatedly wheeled around the following ideas;

1) A host of spiders witnessed my clumsy attempt to 're-home' their next generation and mistook it as an attempt at mass annihilation and were now plotting their revenge. I pictured a multitude of fat, hairy Arachnida descending en masse to crawl on me, taunt me with their eight beady eyes and generally nest in all my nooks and crannies ready to leap out at me.

2) I'm convinced baby spiders are now nesting on my person. They will crawl up my nasal passage into my brain where they will make a web, grow fat and encourage flies up my nose to feast on. The result will be either madness induced by the incessant crawling sensations in my skull or a whole nest of baby spiders being born in my head and swarming out of every orifice in divine retribution.

Must go - after my tenth shower I intend to seal myself in cling film and hide in a cupboard with an industrial sized can of bug spray.

'Incy wincy spider climbed up my snotty nose,
Down came a sneeze and out the f**cker goes,
But this little beastie was such a frigging pain,
And promptly turned around to climb up my nose again.'

I may be found singing the above while rocking back and forth.

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Liebster Award Nomination

I've been nominated for a Liebster Award!

At first I had no idea what this was or what it entailed so after a little searching I'm following one set of rules our the many out there.

Firstly I was nominated by which is a lovely blog about being a mum and all the lovely things this entails. A big thank you for not only looking at my blog but deeming it worthy of recognition.

Here are my questions and answers:

1. Describe yourself in 3 words. 
 Haphazard, Daydreamer, Mum
2. Why did you start your blog? 
Since becoming a mum I've found other mum's blogs truly inspiring, reassuring and downright hilarious. I wanted a place to record my little world of motherhood. I love illustrating and writing and found having a blog inspired me to keep going even when all I fancied doing was sitting in front of the telly with a gin & tonic.
3. Do you feel pressured to keep it up to date?
Pressured is too harsh a word but I do feel a responsibility to those who have taken the time to read and respond. I like to blog once a week with my hopefully funny antics and artwork.
4. Where is your most favourite place in the world?
Our sofa with all of us on it.
5. What makes you the most happy?
Has to be my children - they are hilarious.
6. What or who inspires you?
Children's books, especially Babette Cole and Emily Gravett.
7. If you were stuck in a lift with anyone past or present, who would you want  it to be?
The Brothers Grimm
8. What is your favourite way to spend a Sunday?
Car boot and tea in the garden.
9. Do you have a hidden talent/party piece?
I can shape my tongue into three loops.
10. What is your signature scent?
Clinique 'Happy' at the moment.
11. What piece of advice would you give to someone who wanted to start up their own blog?
Definitely just go for it and be yourself.

Here are my blog nominations... - for an endearing and funny dad's perspective. - for good advice and personal experience of being a stay at home mum (like me). - a really lovely blog full of charming illustrations. - a pretty, well thought out blog with some great and funny writing about being a mum.

If the authors of these fabulous blogs would like to join in the Liebster experience then here is a wee set of questions for you...

1. What do you want to be when you grow up?
2. How would you rate your experience of blogging?
3. Why do you blog?
4. What would be your stuff of dreams?
5. What would be your stuff of nightmares?
6. If there is a knock at the door what would you most want to find on the other side?
7. What is your most embarrassing moment?
8. What advice would you give to someone starting out in the world of blogging?
9. What is your favourite food?
10. If you could choose 3 things to take to a desert islands what would they be and why?
11. Is there a book that you've read more than once and, if so, why?

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Life Goes on Without a Computer!

When a pop up on my computer took up two thirds of my screen and kept flashing that I could enlarge my nether regions with one click I had to admit that there was something wrong.

My fabulous Computeresque wizard took away the poorly machine for FIVE WEEKS!! yes... FIVE WEEKS!!!

In that time I have had little contact with online folk and now sincerely feel out the loop.

So here goes with my first foray back into the wonderful online world...

Daily Doings:

After spending hours covering his fruit and beans in netting to keep out the birds, hubby came in and announced that, not only could the little tweeters still get in under the netting but that he was now unable to get to the fruit himself to pick it. To his face I was full of sympathy, when he left I had a little chuckle to myself.

Spent a very frustrating hour and a half trying to do artwork this afternoon (whilst Toddler Boy had an unusually long nap). Had a very dubious picture at the end and a headache - bah!

I did peruse my old art folders to try to convince myself that I can still draw.

Found this little gem which reminds me of Girlie Girl and inspired a thought for the moment...

You'll never be bored if you love drawing.

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Mrs Misfit's Gifts For Mothering Sunday

For Mothering Sunday Mrs Misfit's children treated her to a spa day...

In the morning they gave her a mud mask.
At lunchtime she received a cucumber eye treatment. 
Then in the afternoon they gave her a lovely back massage. 

Friday, 21 March 2014

My World in a Pot of Jam

Felt a little despondent today.

There was a time when I dared to swing so high my bottom left the seat and I risked going over the bar. I would spend long moments running so fast I'd feel my ribcage rattling up into my throat and I would be the first to leap off the wall not knowing what was on the other side.


Now I dare myself  to hoover over a button, I won't run faster than a jaunty jog and as for any wall jumping - the very thought of it makes my back twinge in protest.

Everything suddenly seemed overwhelming and potentially dangerous. Even adding a little of Lloyd Grossman's Putenesca (can't spell it!) sauce to the leftovers resulted in diabolical diarrhea all over the garden (I should mention that I gave the leftovers to the dog - I don't shit in the garden), now even the dog is restricted to plain toast crusts and nothing else.

I felt sad dwelling on these self preservation barriers I've imposed upon myself. I felt like an old pot of jam, sealed beneath dust and rust, old but perfectly safe.

How did I become like this? Am I old before my time, or is it my time to be old?

Then I realised the answer - I became a mum.

Since becoming a mum I have watched my world shrink to fit in that jam jar, wishing it to be preserved just as it is, right now, watching the little ones safe and playing in their bedroom.

I didn't feel old and restricted anymore.

For when I looked upon the nape of my babe's back, his curly head bent as he scrutinised a piece of fluff in the carpet, it hit home how truly vulnerable these dear little ones are and how many little and apparently innocuous things can harm them.

In light of that, it's no wonder that I'm terrified of hurting my back leaping off a wall - how will I pick up and cuddle my tiddliwinks? If I don't hoover the button will they choke on it? And a garden showered in dog mess is not a safe playground anymore.

When I look at my babies I would gladly climb in the jar and screw the lid on myself if it meant they are safe and protected.

I'm not old, I'm not neurotic, I'm a mum.

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

What Can I Get Away With?

It occurred to me that a vast part of my mentality revolves around what I can get away with. By that I don't mean big things like tax evasion or bank robbery but the little things...

Can I get away with having a shower before the kids start squabbling, applying make before one of them gets stuck somewhere or putting washing out before one of them needs a poo or has done a poo?

This extends beyond the house...

Can I fart silently in a lift without children shouting 'Pooh mummy stinks' or doing the usual things in a public toilet without every detail being announced in loud falsetto voices?

Can I get away with eating out with both children and actually managing to drink some tea before its spilt or eat something before its trashed by a foot, a toy car or generally swiped off the table?

Sometimes, just sometimes I do get away with being a mum and don't find myself doing the walk of shame past disgusted fellow lift users, public loo visitors and other diners...sometimes.

The last time we went out on a family outing I didn't get away with anything. I did not get away with enjoying a live music performance without my son showering everyone within a metre radius with juice. I certainly did not get away with not having an entire mango ice cream daubed down my front or my child shouting a 'naughty drive word'* in the middle of the cafeteria!

The lovely thing to all matters of mummyhood is having a good laugh about it in the safety of my own home with an orange stained shirt.

* Naughty drive words are those unfortunate protestations about fellow road users when they do any idiotic manoeuvres

Friday, 7 March 2014

It's Official - I'm chasing my Dream!

I've been a little quiet online this last week. The reason is that I am officially chasing my dream and it's very time consuming.
Ever since I can remember I've loved to write and draw stories and dream that one day I would actually finish an illustrated book. 
Well it all starts here...
The project I've chosen is about a mum called Polly Pinn and her daughter Peggy. The working title is something like 'Is my mummy a witch?' but obviously all of the above could change drastically by the time I reach a conclusion.
So, a sneak preview of one finished illustration... ta dahhhh
I think it will be a daft book - fingers crossed I see it through to the finish!

Friday, 28 February 2014

Mrs Misfit Tries to have Sex in Winter

Suffering from yet another cold and keeping her distance as waved her husband goodbye from the front step, Mrs Misfit pondered upon what intimacy they had shared during the cold winter months.

It occurred to her that sex,or indeed any real intimacy was difficult in winter if not impossible.

There was the obvious problem of the cold. The cold that gets into every nook and cranny, The cold that, being on a budget took hold of every corner of the house when the heating was perpetually turned off. The cold that even left her wearing warm clothing in the shower.

The possibility of sex lessened considerably when addressing house attire. What would normally be clothes worn on a country walk now became the norm for a night in front of the TV. 
It was no surprise that the ardour they may have felt on their way to bed did not last long enough for the removal of their many layers...
There was no chance at all of making mad passionate love whilst swinging from a chandelier (though this was unlikely at the best of times and highly overrated, usually resulting in re-plastering the ceiling rather than sexual pleasure)
In fact, sex in general was reduced to a preoccupation with locating and maintaining the duvet rather than locating and maintaining erogenous zones...
In short, Mrs Misfit concluded that sex in winter was a difficult affair subject to the perpetual bouts of flu, trying not to get near each other for fear of passing on germs and the endless battle with preserving one 's own body heat.

Mrs Misfit was determined to break the mould resolve this problem...

When her husband came home from work that evening he was forced to strip naked and be thoroughly decontaminated on the front doorstep...
This process was repeated every night for the next few days,much to the shock of the neighbours.
Finally, germ free, no snot, no fever, Mrs Misfit managed to have sex in winter...
And did not stress about where the duvet was!


Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Curiosity cat!

If something wakes you from a snooze, should you follow it? 
sometimes not!

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Extra Yarn by Mac Barnett and Jon Klassen Book Review

Extra Yarn by Mac Barnett and Jon Klassen

Mac Barnett Storyteller:
Mac Barnett has written a charming story expressing the nature of creativity. Anabelle finds a box of colourful yarn and endeavours to knit a variety of outfits for the folk of her usually grey and sombre town. Her efforts become well renown attracting the attention of hoards of spectators longing to see her knitting. There is a dark section of the story which is beautifully resolved at the end.

Reading this story with my four year old little girl was lovely. There was a character that reminded her of her papa and we talked about how colour and the gift of creating something special brings happiness to others. The story obviously stayed with her for an hour after she went to bed she woke crying,'There's no wool for giraffe!'

After a little talk I discovered she dreamt that there was no wool to knit a jumper for giraffe. I told her to talk to Anabelle and ask her to knit a jumper for giraffe, she went to sleep smiling.

Jon Klassen Illustrator:

This book caught my eye immediately with it's fabulous illustrations. Jon Klassen captures the cosy, rainbow, woven nature of wool in every picture. The characters possess great expressions and the dark part of the story is dramatic. I am always beguiled by the expressive, charming and often hilarious drawings of Klassen.

The illustrations (apart from the book cover) are my own.

Friday, 14 February 2014

Inappropriate Valentine's Card

I wish I had time to illustrate this post and to actually make this card for my husband- perhaps next year.

After spending quite a few days cooped up with two small children due to illness and the weather, I have found the old parental tactics of bribery and persuasion with treats to have been invaluable.

It occurred to me that it might be a good idea to apply these tactics to my Valentine's Day card.

Instead of the usual hearts and flower motives and general sentiment of everlasting love I would make a list of demands along the lines of, 'I will love you if you;

1) Do the hoovering 
2) Make dinner
3) Walk the dog

You get the idea.

Perhaps promising love is not enticing enough so maybe it could read, 'I will perform (insert list of partner's favourite sexual exploits) if you do the following (insert own list of desired sexual favours/general housework or f**k it ask for a holiday).

After all, when you've been together a fair while there is no mystery lover excitement, we both know who is sending the card so why shouldn't we lay it on the line and say what we want?

Is this inappropriate? If I get some clothes washed for me who cares?

Mrs Misfit and her Rubbish Winter Coat - Funny Illustration

Mrs Misfit was struggling to maintain both warmth and dignity. All the other folk waiting to collect their children from nursery were snuggly buttoned up in long winter coats and sturdy wellies. Mrs Misfit inwardly cringed at the fact that she always focused on her children's wardrobe and never got round to sorting her own winter attire...

Thursday, 13 February 2014

Family Swim Morning Against All Adversity

In the middle of a dream where my dog stole a chicken off the neighbour's bar-b-q I woke with the alarm burring. My husband leapt from the bed, 'Come on, time to get up, we're already late.' This was news to me as I wasn't aware there had been any snoozes. (For some reason we set the alarm half an hour early just enjoy being repeatedly woken up in ten minute intervals until we actually need to get up.)

'Come on, we're late,' hubby shouts over his shoulder and bolts from the room. Blearily I check my mobile phone to find it's only 6am, a half hour before we need to get up.

This signaled the start of a hapless morning...

Every week we go swimming with the children, or rather hubby takes them in one at a time while I try to enjoy a quiet moment watching from the side (This never happens. What actually happens is that Girlie Girl dangles from every towel bar she can find, climbs the fake rocks and paddles in the dirty drain water. Toddler boy screams for endless sweets and tries to escape from the pushchair.)

On our walk across the car park I announce I've forgotten arm bands and goggles.

In the changing room I realise I've forgotten wet wipes just when Toddler Boy fills his nappy with more poo than I have ever seen. 

After much frantic searching I find there is no swim nappy for him.

Husband suddenly sits down with his head in his hands and moans, 'I've forgotten my swim shorts.'

The resolution:
Toddler Boy is mopped up with copious amounts of loo roll and put into normal nappy. Hubby wears his black denim shorts and I resolve to retrieve his uniform trousers from the car.

Feeling very pleased with our cleverness Girlie Girl and I take a seat pool side whilst Hubby and Toddler Boy walk into the pool and sit down. Hurrah.

A few minutes later they stand up. Toddler Boys nappy has absorbed pool water and trebled in size giving him the look of a squat pear and he can barely walk his legs are so far apart. Hubby's shorts are water logged and now so heavy that he has to permanently hold them up.

As for the lack of goggles, well, that was the least of our worries!

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

I've Actually Done Something Creative!

Being a stay at home mum with two children yet to start school there is little time to indulge in my creative side. Despite snot and colds, sleepless nights and no energy I have  actually managed to do something and even list it on folksy (my shop is called fancymade). 

I've been in a mermaid mood, here they are:

Pink Mermaid Diving off the Cornish Coastline

Green Mermaid Reaching for a Harvest Moon
Blue Mermaid Diving off the Cornish Coastline
Toddler Boy has woken up - I've run out of time!

Friday, 7 February 2014

Hormones - a Shared Problem for Me and my Mum

I went on a trip to town with my mum and two little ones today. Here's what happened...

My Toddler Boy has a serious plug fetish - this is normal plugs that you get on appliances and night lights. We got him his own set of plugs in the hope that it would cure him of his obsession. Unfortunately it seems to have made it worse. He insists on carrying an orange night light around with him. This little item is referred to as 'show show'. 

He lost his 'show show' countless times, threw it randomly at people and windows and became hysterical when it was taken off him.

My mum 'drove' the push chair and clearly needs somesort of test. The pushchair was driven into shelves, swiping a number of insoles for shoes off their hooks. At one point she got into bother steering the thing and nearly landed in a tower of Poundland shopping baskets. Toddler Boy also took a liking to a dustpan and brush set and proceeded to brush passers by and, at one point, managed to shove it into a woman's handbag. He grabbed a pencil set off the shelf and had it ripped open, contents scattered in seconds. My dear mum was oblivious to all of this - hilarious.

I stood talking to a friend I hadn't seen since summer completely oblivious to the fact that she was eight months pregnant. Thank goodness she is a wee thing that has a teeny bump. It was a different story when I stood talking to a, shall we say, bigger friend and had to be told that she was due to give birth in a week - how do I get out of that one? 'Oh sorry I couldn't tell there is a baby amongst your, er, body fat?' I know which one I prefer and now realise that thinking someone is not pregnant can get you in just as much hot water as thinking someone is when they're not!

I also had a total melt down at the supermarket check out. Previously I had decided to move my bank card from its usual slot in my purse because it kept getting stuck and put it in the slot next to it. I had spent a fractious hour trawling the aisles, grappling with the grabby hands of little ones and dealing with their hysterics. My trolley now heaved with many bags of stuff I had purchased in panic and now was the time to pay. No card. I went into meltdown. Laughing in a shrill banshee manner I fingered the slot repeatedly. My brain just would not register that the card was not there and the next logical thing would be to look in the rest of the purse. I turned puce, felt dizzy and had visions of being escorted off the premises amid shouts of 'Dirty stinking debtor!!!'

Thankfully I managed to recover the card and pay.

On the way home my mum and I discussed things in detail, as we always do. With much laughter at our dumb ass ways we concluded that we were both victims of our hormones. I am suffering from baby brain and my mum is menopausal. So, I am doomed to a prolonged time of baby brain only to move into the hormonal rollercoaster of the menopause - I think I will take my mum's advice and try to have a laugh at my failings, it's either that or crying in public - I know which one I prefer!

Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Breaking Bad - "A Man Provides" speech

I think the word 'man' should be substituted with 'mum'. Only in my case I would add that, not only do mums not always get appreciated but they also endure the annoyance of things like; being hit on the chin with a toy tractor, having soup thrown at them and the ultimate shame of their toilet antics being announced in a loud falsetto voice in public loos - despite all this we endure and we provide because we are MUMS!!!

Friday, 31 January 2014

Mrs Misfit Takes a Look at her Body Image

Mrs Misfit thought long and hard about what Miss Perfect had said. She was determined to improve her perception of her own body. She would do it. She would be brave, seize the moment and look at herself naked!

She looked at herself from every conceivable angle, totally lost in her moment of nakedness and thought it was the right thing to do...